Anthony's story

From the age of 18 I was fascinated with a club room full of pokie machines. The first time I played I bet 50 cents per spin and won a feature that paid $250.

It only went downhill from there ... I moved out with my then-girlfriend and by the age of 21 we were expecting our first child. I continued to gamble every week when I was paid. I would end up going home that night drunk and without my wage I had received that day. With the mother of my child relying on my wage to pay rent, bills and food I had no choice but to borrow off friends to cover the expenses. This continued until finally I lost not only my wage that week, I lost my job, my friends along with my partner and young child. It took me months to rebuild my life again.

I was depressed and alone with only a desire of being a better person rather than previous thoughts of failure and suicide. I found a new job and a new place to rent. I didn't gamble again until nearly 5 years later, but once again I found myself gambling all of my wage. I finally stopped and began training everyday in my garage. I would run on the spot for an hour each day and within 8 months I was healthier than ever before and had more muscles than a seafood platter. I enjoyed dating several different woman and found luck everywhere I seemed to turn and this was without gambling or drinking ... finally I met a beautiful young lady who I married and had 2 children with over the following 10 years.

Now I'm in my 40s and it's been 5 years since I've gambled on pokie machines. I haven't trained or been as disciplined as I was but I've been happy and content ... up until now... Over the past 3 months I've found myself going down to my local pub once my family are all asleep and doing what I don't do best. Tonight I withdrew $750 from our account and put $700 in to a machine. I had $50 left and I couldn't believe when my machine won the jackpot link of $2500. I saved myself I thought ... until 3 hours later and 10 beers full I had put the whole lot back into the damn thing.

I just got home, my family are asleep and I know I have to explain where the original $750 has gone ... in my 40s? 'Why couldn't I just walk away with the $2500?' This is a question I have always asked myself after I have returned home to begin the usual process of guilt and regret that I feel. It's just not worth the heartache and stress that is caused from gambling. Maybe now I will wake up to myself and stop the selfish hidden lifestyle that involves consequences that I know all too well. Maybe this time I will realise that the only time in my life that has given me any success and satisfaction is when I wasn't gambling ... or ... as my gambling life of pattern has shown ... I am gambling on my livelihood and know that I will lose all I have again unless I STOP. Don't gamble on your life!