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My Fault's story

Well, my stupid story is my own doing. My fault and no one else is to blame. It's hard to tell the truth when I know that anyone who has never gambled could not possibly understand how a person could go from being a good saver one minute, to a careless spendthrift in a blink of an eye. That's me! I have gambled since my divorce. I lost everything that I worked so hard for – ALL GONE after 19 years of gambling on the pokies. Can you believe that?! 19 years of losses week after week! And pay cheque after pay cheque! And I still fell into the same trap over and over again.

Why did it take 19 years to learn that I was never going to get myself out of the hole I dug because the hole was getting bigger each time I went to 'undo my mistake'. I feel so sick to think how I have destroyed my health, wealth and nothing will ever get it back. I am sick of lying and trying to figure out how to get back my losses and undo my mistakes. It's too late! I cannot afford to lose more money. I am too ashamed to tell the truth and reveal the extent of the damage I caused. Each time I sat in front of a machine just pouring in $50 after $50 until I had nothing left. I could not stop! I thought that the next $50 was going to SAVE ME but when it was gone it was GONE!

It's the worst feeling when you have lost all your money and you feel like everyone knows and is thinking and laughing at how stupid you are. I hate that horrible feeling so much that I shall never feel like that again. I lost my house and now I am renting when I could have been free. How does one simply forget the thousands lost? I can't seem to cope knowing what I have done. It is so shameful but even if I were to talk to someone, and they seemed so understanding and non-judgemental, I still would feel like a stupid fool for allowing a machine to take my money and everything I have worked so hard for. I would need courage to own up to my mistakes openly I cannot understand how I was that dumb but I bet the pokie machines were ever so glad to meet a stupid fool like me.