A Singaporean son's story

When my father passed away, he left us with a fortune that could enable us to live a carefree life, travelling, etc.

I was still in university then. My mother was left in charge of the estate – because she was always constantly harping to my dad about how if I got the money – I'd attract gold diggers who would divorce me and take away the cash. It’s funny how Asian parents' minds work. They are always paranoid about such things.

My parents were very frugal people. They also didn't allow me to get a job to help pay for stuff. I wasn't bright academically and they kept me in house. Things spiralled out of control when my dad passed away. My mum had these huge emotional rages. She had them before in the past but at least my dad was able to calm her down a bit. She wasn't physically abusive. But she was very mentally abusive. My sister broke down in tears a couple of times.

A friend introduced her to stock market trading – claiming it was very easy to make money. She lost a couple of million dollars and ran into debt. I thought I could help her by selling my investment apartment to help square off her debt – which was linked to our family’s properties. I did that because I felt honour-bound to help protect our family estate. My small investment flat was nothing compared to the larger properties that my family owned. To my surprise she was not grateful.

As an Asian parent she felt she had lost face – no respect. So she decided to try and get it back a few years later. Because the family properties was in her name she sold them later making a substantial fortune – and she used it to have a couple of good wins on the stock market.

I thought I had convinced her to stop. But I think it was fate that was directing her. And then with the GFC – she lost about 90% of it all.

I shared my mum's problems with a close relative who said she would help and watch out for her. Later I found out the close relative is a gambling addict who frequents the pokies. She took my mum there. They offer free food and coffee apparently.

Now my mum is spending the rest of the 10% of our family wealth at the pokies.

I think it’s her fantasy that after squandering everything – she can, like the prodigal son – return back and receive a warm welcome, all is forgiven, etc.

I find it bemusing that my mother who had been lecturing my father about how I would somehow squander the family fortune on women, etc, is now doing the same but at the casino.

My mother is very religious – goes to church every Sunday. I think maybe I'll surprise her by telling her that she has nothing to worry about me seeing with prostitutes or gold diggers because ... I'm 45, and I've realised I squandered my entire life and own personal fortune trying to help my mum. I'm planning to go overseas and start a new life elsewhere – maybe fate has intended her to be a bag lady on the streets.

Anyway, I'm tired of putting up with her vile temper, her hypocrisy, and her other siblings (my uncles and aunts) who are as equally as flawed and obnoxious.

She has refused any attempt to have professional counselling. And will not admit that she has a gambling problem.

I think pokies should have a set limit placed on them – like 20 cents per minute only. They and the casinos are a blight on our community. I think if the government thinks it’s OK to have pokies – they might as well legalize drug use as well.

Heck they might as well not have speed limits on the road.